I can’t concentrate at all today. Mentally, I feel like I’m slogging through molasses. Worse is that there’s absolutely not a flicker of news or rumor out there anywhere.
In previous months I think I’ve maintained some rationality and objectivity when it came to rumors. This month I have none of either. I’m just hanging on and going for the ride, feeling oddly calm about the whole thing. I’m trying to deny this gut feeling I have that this is the month. Were I rational at this time, I would say the chances of that are slim. However I am not rational and I have this sense that we’ve been matched. James feels the same way.
If I’m wrong I’ll be disappointed, but I don’t think there’s any real way to save myself from that anyway.
In among the hope, anticipation and happiness is much fear. Fear about how we’ll feel when we first see her picture. Fear about going to China and how she’ll react to us. Fear how her health will be. Fear of change. Fear of the future. I really think this is normal, though. I mean, gee, it would be kind of strange not to have fears, I think.
I realized this morning that we’re in our 21st month since we started this process. An elephant’s gestation is 22 months. 
We’re close!
